every once in awhile. I have a thought. And well... being the declared fruit rather than a girl, that I am... I find it only appropriate to blog a few of those thoughts under the alias of a semi-obscure piece of fruit that of course, has become one of my ever-growing collection of nicknames.

15.1.06

A Minor Incident

This afternoon, I was riding along in the jeep on my way to get pizza. And there was blinding sunlight, and a general cigarette smoke haze drifting through things and my brain was going all introspective on me. Everything turned into page one of a novel that would never be finished. A sure sign that the sinking feeling is riding into town. However a few minutes later I was sitting in a parking lot and there was this smiling face looking back at me from the drivers seat. And it was gone, it just stopped sinking. The world stopped wobbling like it does when i'm like that. I was back in my body, not sitting on the roof watching myself move and do things. That's NEVER happened before. I'm still kind of amazed at the fact that it's possible at all.

And I don't care if it ever happens again. I'd like that, but if next time I just slip into feeling bad for no reason, and nothing can stop it. That's fine. Knowing that it happened this one time would be enough to make it okay. Knowning that just this once, the mid-winter spring, and the chilly aftermath of winter trying to sneak back into the picture, and the perpetual tired, and the fact that morning feeling where my lungs tell me how much they hate me... didn't matter. And the irrational and fast oncoming feeling of general badness, just stopped. It's worth the world.

I've been smiling all fucking day.

There's nothing I could say to make you try and feel ok
And nothing you could do to stop me feeling the way I do
And if the chance should happen that I never see you again...

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