every once in awhile. I have a thought. And well... being the declared fruit rather than a girl, that I am... I find it only appropriate to blog a few of those thoughts under the alias of a semi-obscure piece of fruit that of course, has become one of my ever-growing collection of nicknames.


an idiot of a music teacher.. but wait...

Say what could be said about Mrs. Stack... she's an idiot.. she's rude.. she's egotistical, hypocritical and.... well I'd say talent-less but I'm sure she has musical talent... but her ego would never let her prove it... anyway... say what should be said... but the woman directed great musicals. I read a blog note from a kid who was participating in this past year's musical at the high school... and he made a reference to hoping it went well but he knows it'll never be as good as last year's. I remember being in jr. high and watching awestruck at the musicals that were being constructed... since 2003 the musicals and senior class plays at somerset high school have been little more than a joke. I mean it's nice kids still like them and get involved in them... but I don't know I feel like these kids don't know they're kidding themselves and that they're being let down ... it's not their fault.. it's the material.. and it's directors who just don't know what in the world they are doing. Eh. what do I care right? I graduated last year. But it's still just I don't know... tiring to see the quality of what's supposed to be the "fun" of high school burning out... especially I guess when i thought it had already burnt and died before I graduated.


those golden days... pfft! F-off!

so every so often i go check my myspace account to see if I've gotten any messages of any interest... and today i discovered that myspace apparently has a new fad and that being these slideshows that people put pictures in and with commentary. My graduating class has all these pictures and cheesy commentary about their super friendships and all these graduation picture. It's either jealousy or a broader perspective that makes me want to vomit.

What do I remember about my graduation?? Hmmm. I remember Tracy giving me a hug and crying on me. I remember being elated that it was all just over. I remember while waiting in the gym for the ceremony someone I'd always counted amongst my best friends telling me to go away and that I didn't deserve to be there. I remember standing in the gym leaning against the folded bleacher by myself for I'd guess a half hour before slipping outside to my usual cigarette corner. I remember mingling very briefly and saying hi to come people that i barely knew. I remember being dragged out into the hall for a picture with some people that hadn't talked to me in two months. I remember some of my fellow yearbook staff members congradulating me on getting all my graduation issues worked out. And that's about it. I remember sitting in chair, idly listening to some complete bullshit (mostly) and then I remember hugging my parents going to my car, changing clothes and heading to the diner where I chain smoked my night away. I don't remember distinctly if I went anywhere else that night, I might have joined the boys at Beckner's land for awhile, but it's hard to say. Either way... graduation is a blur and was more of a Kodak moment for my grandma than anything else.

I have no photographs and me and my friends in our cap and gowns smiling pretty for the camera and clinging each other's shoulders like we'll never forget one another. And for some reason... I'm glad I don't... because every one of those pictures I see... seems like it's just that... it's just a picture.. and little else. I could be wrong. But most of the pictures in my photo album... my friends, and family, look alive. Those graduation and prom pictures... look like something in those pre-prom drunk driving ads on TV. Ghosts and nothing else.


To: Keely From: Your Tyler-puppy.

Author Unknown

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see;
The sun will rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me.

I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
Remembering how I'd lay my head
In your lap that special way.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me.
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name
And petted me with her hand.
She said my place was ready,
In Heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But, as I turned to heel away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life I never thought
That I would have to die.
I had so much to live for,
So many sits and downs to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought about our lives together,
I know you must be sad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.

Remember how I'd nudge your hand,
And poke you with my nose?
The frisbee I would gladly chase,
The bad guy, I'd "bark and hold".

If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for awhile,
I'd wag my tail and kiss you,
Just so I could see you smile.

But, then I fully realized,
That this could never be;
For emptiness and memories
Will take the place of me.
And when I thought of treats and toys,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you and when I did,
My dog-heart filled with sorrow.

But then I walked through Heaven's gate,
And felt so much at home;
As God looked down and smiled at me,
From His beautiful golden throne.
He said, "This is eternity,
And now we welcome you,
Today your life on earth is past,
But here it starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last;
For you see, each days's the same day,
There's no longing for the past.
Now you have been so faithful,
So trusting, loyal and true;
Though there were times you did things,
You knew you shouldn't do.

But good dogs are forgiven,
And now at last you're free;
So won't you sit here by my side,
And wait right here with me?"
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart.
For every time you think of me,
I'm right there, in your heart