those golden days... pfft! F-off!

so every so often i go check my myspace account to see if I've gotten any messages of any interest... and today i discovered that myspace apparently has a new fad and that being these slideshows that people put pictures in and with commentary. My graduating class has all these pictures and cheesy commentary about their super friendships and all these graduation picture. It's either jealousy or a broader perspective that makes me want to vomit.

What do I remember about my graduation?? Hmmm. I remember Tracy giving me a hug and crying on me. I remember being elated that it was all just over. I remember while waiting in the gym for the ceremony someone I'd always counted amongst my best friends telling me to go away and that I didn't deserve to be there. I remember standing in the gym leaning against the folded bleacher by myself for I'd guess a half hour before slipping outside to my usual cigarette corner. I remember mingling very briefly and saying hi to come people that i barely knew. I remember being dragged out into the hall for a picture with some people that hadn't talked to me in two months. I remember some of my fellow yearbook staff members congradulating me on getting all my graduation issues worked out. And that's about it. I remember sitting in chair, idly listening to some complete bullshit (mostly) and then I remember hugging my parents going to my car, changing clothes and heading to the diner where I chain smoked my night away. I don't remember distinctly if I went anywhere else that night, I might have joined the boys at Beckner's land for awhile, but it's hard to say. Either way... graduation is a blur and was more of a Kodak moment for my grandma than anything else.

I have no photographs and me and my friends in our cap and gowns smiling pretty for the camera and clinging each other's shoulders like we'll never forget one another. And for some reason... I'm glad I don't... because every one of those pictures I see... seems like it's just that... it's just a picture.. and little else. I could be wrong. But most of the pictures in my photo album... my friends, and family, look alive. Those graduation and prom pictures... look like something in those pre-prom drunk driving ads on TV. Ghosts and nothing else.